Skulley Stomach

A BLUE BACKGROUND

With a DING, this piece of text pops up onto the screen:

‘Why does Dr Skulley never eat in the school canteen?’

Then, with a POP, the response to the joke appears underneath:

‘He doesn’t have the stomach for school dinners.’

TITLE CARD: ‘SKULLEY STOMACH’

Above the title card is two sandwiches and a red packet of crisps.

EXT. SCHOOL PLAYGROUND. MIDDAY.

Luke and all the students at the school are having their lunch. Dr Skulley passes by Luke, who is midway through eating his sandwich.

LUKE

Hi, Dr Skulley? Want a bite of my sandwich?

DR SKULLEY
No thank you, Luke, I’ve got my own.

Dr Skulley walks out of frame.

INT. SCHOOL - MAIN CLASSROOM. MIDDAY.

Dr Skulley sits down at his desk and pulls out his lunchbox. He looks ready and can’t wait to eat. He opens his lunchbox, revealing two sandwiches, a bag of crisps and a carton of orange juice.

DR SKULLEY

Can’t wait to tuck in!

The boney teacher begins to eat up his lunch, but then he notices something - as he eats, the food seems to go down his ribcage and onto the floor again. Dr Skulley is scared by this, and his hands begin to shake.

MUSIC: “THE ATTACK” BY ROGER WATERS [FROM ‘WHEN THE WIND BLOWS’]

DR SKULLEY

I…I’m anorexic. I’M ANOREXIC!!

(panicked)

WAAAAAAAAA!!!

Dr Skulley grabs his sandwiches and begins chewing them down. Then he rips open the bag of crisps and throws the crisps down his throat. Finally, he downs his orange juice, but everything ends up on the floor. Dr Skulley screams and falls to the floor. He drags himself towards the desk and reaches for a glass of water. He downs it, only to have the water go down his ribcage and onto the floor.

THE TELEPHONE

Begins to ring. Dr Skulley drags himself over to answer it, and clambers up onto the desk, grabbing the phone and yelling into it in pain:

DR SKULLEY

HELP! IF YOU WOULD HELP, PLEASE!! I’M SUFFERING FROM ANOREXIA! PLEASE, HELP ME!

Dr Skulley slams the phone down and manages to get back up again, only to start choking and wheezing and spluttering. He does it so much he turns into a jumble of bones and falls to the floor.

CUT TO BLACK.

MUSIC OUT.

SFX: A SCHOOL BELL RINGING.

FADE IN:

INT. CLASSROOM - AFTERNOON.

Everyone settles down for their lesson. Luke is the first to notice Dr Skulley isn’t there. He looks behind his desk and sees the mess of food he made earlier.

LUKE

(calling)

Sir, did you make this mess?

(hold a beat)

Sir? Sir?!

Suddenly, the whole room goes quiet. Luke hears a siren wail outside, and looks out the window to see

AN AMBULANCE

Driving away, presumably with Dr Skulley inside. All the students race up to the window and look out, saddened by what they see. Luke sadly leaves the crowd of classmates and sighs:

LUKE

(quietly)

Class dismissed. Let’s go home.

DISSOLVE:

Everyone leaves the classroom, taking their bags and lunchboxes with them.

END TITLE: “SCREAM STREET”